What Crosses My Mind

  • Then there’s that chemical imbalance theory

    I’ve struggled with psychiatric medication most of my adult life. My first battles with depression were pretty uneventful, simply lack of motivation in a lot of avenues. I really didn’t know what it meant to be depressed except to hear the explanations – lack of interest, motivation, self harm, hopelessness. Those were all degrees of…

  • How Do I Call It Depression?

    I find it difficult sometimes to identify exactly what it is that can affect my frame of mind. Today, I came home around 11 AM and decided to go back to bed for the afternoon. I got up at 9 AM and went to breakfast with a friend. From there I just didn’t feel like…

  • Coasting In Idle

    I’m coasting in idle for the moment. I’ve spent the day in my home, hanging out with my dog. I can’t decide whether I’m in a good state of mind or I’m not. I remember waking in the morning and looking at my bedroom wall from my bed and wondering how I might describe it.…

  • Single Notions

    I stood alone in the morning, Wondering my state of mind. I looked around my world, This was all it is, I thought. A clear mind revolves around  Us while we try to understand. A framework of vulnerability Is often the motive needed. Standing still an autumn day Reminds us of lovely memory. There’s a…

  • So Easy To Fall

    Standing near the edge, a  Visible reminder of vulnerable Skies, waiting, letting a storm Loom on the horizon. Inside our soul seems to churn, Our heart is lost and yearns. Tonight curious will it rain, Or just shadow the eyes  With grey skies sharing fear. It’s only a walk in a forest, A quiet path…

  • Riding A Low

    (A disclaimer, my writing is exploring my moods. I am stable, just brainstorming.) When I was a kid, my mother struggled with diabetes. She didn’t struggle as much as it just changed her lifestyle in dramatic ways. Rather than just simply living life, she had to concentrate on how she maintained a lifestyle that would…

  • Therapy

    I’m stuck. I want to write something, but I really don’t want to admit my own personal struggle. So why is it difficult to talk about something I am so close to? The truth is as I am writing this right now, I’m nervous. It is difficult to admit to being vulnerable. I’ve made mistakes…

  • Living With Anxiety

    Anxiety is something I didn’t really think about years ago, but I can literally remember specific moments today. Sitting in the library at school. Having to attend a study hall I had ignored for half a semester. Always having someone in school who I felt wanted to have it out with me, sending me home…

  • When Pain Breathes

    When I recognize pain, it’s then I want to abandon a chance to live my life freely. Seems I want to embrace the troubling truth of my moral compass, the one responsible for reducing happier moments. When I recognize pain, rather than scattering denial, instead I let it drag me down, find good reason to…

  • Losing My Heart

    A free verse moment ~ When I think about where I’ve been, the miles of deceit my mind has endured to decide upon some sacrifice get in line, they all wait with baited breath because it’s easy to decline any idea of fortune when feeling the pain of surviving seems to be the only outlet.…