What Crosses My Mind

  • Anxious Mornings

    I woke today with my wall of anxiety awaiting me. It’s a feeling that overwhelms me, some days more than others. The feeling has been with me my entire life. I remember the first time I felt some comfort in my personality, was seeing a therapist around the age of 18. My therapist gave me…

  • Then there’s that chemical imbalance theory

    I’ve struggled with psychiatric medication most of my adult life. My first battles with depression were pretty uneventful, simply lack of motivation in a lot of avenues. I really didn’t know what it meant to be depressed except to hear the explanations – lack of interest, motivation, self harm, hopelessness. Those were all degrees of…

  • How Do I Call It Depression?

    I find it difficult sometimes to identify exactly what it is that can affect my frame of mind. Today, I came home around 11 AM and decided to go back to bed for the afternoon. I got up at 9 AM and went to breakfast with a friend. From there I just didn’t feel like…

  • Therapy

    I’m stuck. I want to write something, but I really don’t want to admit my own personal struggle. So why is it difficult to talk about something I am so close to? The truth is as I am writing this right now, I’m nervous. It is difficult to admit to being vulnerable. I’ve made mistakes…

  • Living With Anxiety

    Anxiety is something I didn’t really think about years ago, but I can literally remember specific moments today. Sitting in the library at school. Having to attend a study hall I had ignored for half a semester. Always having someone in school who I felt wanted to have it out with me, sending me home…

  • She Belonged On Stage

    At least those were her words when Becky returned to an audition after years of being away. I’ve changed her name and productions to protect her anonymity. I was first introduced to Becky in a production of Mary Poppins when she played a significant role. She was someone who came out of nowhere, they usually…

  • deep seeded versions

    I want to know how you are, and not the gift wrapped version. I’d like the truth not the ‘suck it up buttercup’ trend. I wish one day you might listen to me rather than just what you want to hear. I hope I might see you again someday and not just simply who you…

  • Wants and Needs

    So much do I, but then it sems and then they always tell me that, what other reason could there be, beyond the normalcy of our lives. I was walking toward the exit one day, no one behind or ahead of me, could just as well have disappeared and then I realized it doesn’t matter…

  • A Certainty is Rage

    When at wit’s end this identity does unravel, the spirit, the mind, that epicenter of our brain begins to take its own journey while the body will always forever remain. Hard to know where the mind goes when stuck in idle unable to let go. ~ There is a response to fear and anxiety a…

  • An Unconditional Prelude

    We stood and watched, heard about a couple of planes ascending into the atmosphere above and beyond a toxic city.   We wondered aloud, thought oh my, such a tragedy, imagined only a particular moment, far beyond our backyard, we don’t even need a fence, so convenient, so far away.   We began to stare…