Been On My Mind

My last couple of posts have been obviously driven by a loss I’ve recently experienced. Not a close friend or family. A professional whose attention I would receive on a therapeutic level. I’ve always been an advocate of talk therapy. I think it is invaluable to share your personal struggles or success with a person in the capacity to provide authentic feedback. That sort of dynamic takes time, there is a need for both people to discover a comfort level with dealing with life’s issues in a beneficial manner. When something tragic occurs, it’s like all of that work, and trust, and share just ends. What is left is documented evidence of issues expressed and positive moments experienced on the way to healing.

To suggest that I have been devastated and my life spinning out of control would be inaccurate. I’ve certainly been disappointed and sad. But that has nothing to do with my well being. I can cope and go forward. I have a strong support system that keeps me safe. I certainly do feel a genuine sadness for my therapist’s own demons and I do wish she may find her peace. 

A suicide leaves everyone with a range of horrific emotions. I cannot imagine how her family and friends are taking her loss. For me, there is a genuine concern with losing my therapist to her own fatal actions. It leaves me with a certain confusion. Throughout all of my reaction and acceptance, I cannot escape the sad irony of a person in this position taking their own life. In truth, I do feel fortunate that my life is stable enough to not use this tragedy as an ok for me to spin out of control. It’s a life lost, and there is a lot of pain left behind. I’m not one to take advantage of a moment to allow my life an excuse to unravel. I have too much responsibility to let that build upon itself.

So life goes forward, and I remember the helpful moments that I experienced in therapy. I move on. I’m not a family member who has lost a part of their lives with her departure. I’m only a client, and my suggested support system is in place.

So my takeaways are this. Life happens and I haven’t any ticket in the game to pass judgment and be critical of her actions. Her demons were sadly her own. I’ve had dark moments in my life, and an incident like this offers perspective and that is how I go forward. I do wish her all the peace in the world having been overwhelmed by this disease that took her life. She is as human as anyone I will ever know.

And now, today I continue moving ahead.