Struggling With Demons

I lost someone to suicide recently. She wasn’t a personal friend, more suitably my therapist. I had seen her for over two years, and had just begun to feel comfortable with her authenticity. In recent weeks though, she had begun missing her appointments. And as I was not the one to ask why, I began to wonder if I should find another therapist. I was always puzzled that a person in her capacity would miss so many sessions. I wondered if the service I had found her with would eventually let her go. A few weeks had gone by and I began to miss her sessions, so when I went into the office I asked if I could reschedule. The desk clerk only paused and then informed me that she had passed away last week. I was shocked, but no more than the receptionist. The whole office was affected by the loss of her impact upon their lives as her colleague.

Suicide is a horrible outcome for those we love, that have begun to feel lost along the way. That is the very reason why some of us seek therapy, including myself, when days are so dark we struggle to go on. Our therapist gives us a lot of benefit in talk therapy if we manage to connect on that professional level. That really is the position I was in, I valued her insight a lot. She truly is that strong minded person and her vibe will be missed by many. Your therapist is not supposed to take her own life. That is part of the reality of our mental health when faced with such a devastating decision.

Despite having my own ideations over the years I’ve managed to make it into my elder years without using suicide as an option for my exhaustion with life. We cannot blame a person for choosing that horrific option. We need to let our feelings manifest themselves and find some empathy for showing compassion. I’ll never know what her demons were that brought her to such a decision. I’ll only try to understand that her passing represents to me why it is so important to take our lives seriously. Even though your therapist is not supposed to choose such a risk, the fact is, she leaves me only wishing to push forward with a resolve to not choose acting upon her sadness. It is a mental health condition and not one to be taken lightly.

So today, I’m asking you to look at what lays ahead for you and make a goal to enjoy and thrive with whatever comes before you in life. A sunny day, listening to good music, a call to a friend, a hot shower where you just feel it bathe your skin. Anything you might do to help move beyond taking that horrific action. Be good to yourself and find your worthiness, knowing that all those people whose life you have touched, matter, in respect to your hanging around and living life with them in whatever capacity you may. Peace.