This Stage

Last night I went to sleep imagining the day ahead. I would be seeing my family, and that is something I naturally look forward to doing. I made a meal and baked some cookies for the kids. Everything was a hit, and I had so much fun with my grandkids, as well as visiting my daughter. These are important points in my life, and I am fortunate to be able to celebrate them all. It took me a long while to get here, and there are still shortfalls, but they aren’t nearly as obvious as they once were. I write this tonight again, as a reminder of what it is we go through in our days, like them or not.

I told a friend of mine at coffee yesterday that I had sort of a catharsis the last week or two. I imagined a morbid moment of having my life be at stake because of a robbery or mugging. For the first time in a real long time, I honestly felt that I would be devastated if that occurred in my life. I realized how much I would miss my kids and their children growing up. It was really an impactful epiphany I suppose, one that allowed me to realize why it is I want to keep moving forward. Life really is what we deliver ourselves and not the fault of anyone else. We are responsible for our goodness and turmoil.

So tonight I’m just whiling away my time, assessing the day behind me. It was a good one supported by my family, my daughter and her children. Everything was smiles and worth every moment. This is the period I need to stay focused upon, it does make every moment significant. I’ll sleep well tonight, knowing I have an open day ahead of me. I’ll give myself credit for offering kindness to my family and those around me. My bitterness and insecurity will take a day off, and tomorrow I’ll try to continue going forward, building upon this stage of my life.