I’ve been in a state of evaluation for several years now, not to speak of my entire life. Since I lost my marriage, I have battled a lot of demons. I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, to be sure, I’m only wanting to lay out from where some of my reflection has evolved. I’m listening to Enya right now as I try to sort through my frame of mind. Her voice and melodies are beautiful and they leave my soul feeling a sense of peace. It is quite a contrast to the state of the world around us tonight.

I’ve always been politically minded. It is difficult for me to post my views on social media because I do have friends on the opposite platform as my own, and they do dig in with their defenses. The part that I hang onto though is that in the end our relationships are more important than our political leanings. So I count on that when I post my own opinions. We have been raised in a society of free speech, so I always have to give that concept the benefit of the doubt. However, our leadership today is threatening that element of free speech, and it is happening to us on so many levels. 

Last night, ICE agents dropped out of black hawk helicopters and took over an apartment building and zip tied immigrants as they walked them out to their new seclusion. Stuff like that makes me ill, even though it doesn’t affect me personally, it is still in my mind atrocious, and a loud indicator of the turmoil that lays ahead. Our country really is experiencing a pseudo martial law or police state at the highest level it ever has. Freedom only applies to one element of our society, that gathering of people who swear by the words of our MAGA leadership. It is a little frightening to try to stomach the awful nature of our country’s direction. 

I turn on the news every day and I read about another assault, mass violence, assassinations, and I have begun to wonder if this really is a precursor to a civil war. I don’t see our country suddenly waking up one day and say, ‘ok, that’s it, let’s go back to normal and love one another.’

I think that ship has sailed and we are in truly desolate waters. Every day, in my own mind, I wonder what horrific event is going to come across our news feeds. I cannot imagine I am alone in my thinking, though I can grasp how easily it is compartmentalized and instead of truths, my feelings are right away slapped in the category of a liberal. And I’m really not one. I do believe in tenets that do not feed the MAGA mentality, but there does have to be a line we cross. And I won’t cross that one. 

I’m big on the lyrics of a song, not one in particular but many, all of which speak of the element of love and kindness. And that’s the scary part about it, because it is really difficult to find that idea of compassion in our society. We have been given permission to isolate and attack one another, not with only words, but with a weaponized society that I don’t see finding any balance anytime soon. 

So it’s up to all of us. I have a friend who tonight pointed out to me that I need to hold my grandchildren close because they are the future in our lives. And that’s really true, and it make me right away think of countries where those children and their parents and their grandparents and ancestors have all grown up in war torn societies. 

My greatest worry is that rather than imagining the worst, we suddenly begin to live it in our own helpless and blatant fashion.