I’ve spent the last couple of days, soul-searching as is such a catchy phrase when trying to answer the difficult questions in our lives. I ran a theatre program for three years that began with nothing, and at least had something, when I saw the writing on the wall that told me it was time to move on. It wasn’t because of my inability to direct kids, it wasn’t because of my lack of compassion for the kids, it was more designed around the toxicity of the community I had inherited. Today I can with a clean conscience say I did everything I could, now it is up to a fresher pair of eyes no longer caught in the talons of a community with a bitter contempt for itself. So I feel better, got an email from both my AD and my Principal, both of them acknowledging the work I’d done for them with appreciation and an offer for a letter if the need arises. I also received a note from another faculty at the school thanking me and telling me I will be missed. Those notes really helped the process, my confidence is in good shape, and I am now quite relieved to have been able to freely step away from a very unhealthy environment. I don’t ever have to go back. I have no need to know whether the program fails or goes forward next year. All I know is I no longer have to deal with any of the idiocy I struggled through for three years. Those egos are on their own now.

So I feel pretty good. Today I spent the morning driving and got myself back into the LYFT mindset. I think I’ll drive for a bit tomorrow, and set a goal for myself every week. I’m going to drive past my miles in my car, but hopefully, she’ll hold out. My goal is to pay it off sooner than the loan plan indicates. We’ll see what happens. In the meantime, while LYFT supplements my income, I will continue to look for a new theatre and approach the interview with a fierce attitude toward wanting to do the right thing for the school. My life was really going down a rathole this last couple of days, but now I have gotten support from areas that I didn’t think wanted anything to do with me. Truth is, as it turns out, had I gotten my way and removed the assistant director, I would have dealt with once again, taking a local golden boy out of his alumni theatre, and I would have gotten nothing but scrutiny for it. Now after talking with the AD it seems clear that the kid is not going to have a chance to inherit the program, so there is some justice in that I guess. I am resting easier tonight, and this is a recording of my theater experience to date. I think I will keep this going for awhile, and call it my healing drive.