It was around twenty years ago this last couple of months that I had my last drink. I remember telling my kids how old they both were when I chose to quit drinking. They have now spent the better part of their years with a sober dad, and I feel really good about that. I guess this comes to mind tonight because I met some friends at an establishment playing musical bingo. I hadn’t been in the bar since the last time I was drinking, that many years ago. It felt pretty good to see the place hadn’t changed and it was just a bar. But the people I saw inside were having a good time, sharing laughs together. Back then, I was the guy sitting at the bar by myself waiting to talk to anyone that might try. I probably had an air of ‘I’m not the friendliest guy’ waving over me, so those drinks went down and I eventually left to find another tavern down the road. Tonight really had a nostalgic effect on me, and I left feeling really good, knowing I’ve put a lot of work into my sobriety. That’s a good thing.

I think about having a drink nearly every day of my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to. It’s more of a reflection of where I am today versus those days decades ago. I should really give myself a little credit because it has left me a different person than I was. Life has not been roses. I retired early from a job I no longer enjoyed and I lost a marriage of 30 years. Not exactly highlights of a sober life. Though the truth is I wouldn’t have handled either of those situations well if I were still drinking. I’d probably be dead. Because now today, when I have really dark feelings, I thank God that I’m not having them while under the influence. Alcohol always let me do impulsive things that more often than not wreaked havoc on my life.

Tonight I gave a friend a ride home from the bar. It’s the third time I have, since she lives in my development, but each time has been a struggle. She drinks a lot and is pretty demanding when I try to drop her off. She wants to stay in the car and act like sixteen year olds and I just don’t want any part of it. Give me a few drinks and there is no inhibition there, but now, I just really want to keep her safe. I guess I’m telling that story because it’s true, my life is so different than it was 20 years ago. I want to be a good person, nothing more.

I felt compelled to tell this story tonight because it’s going past midnight and I have some freedom to sleep in tomorrow, but I’m just really thinking about the night’s events. I feel pretty safe these days and there is a little pride involved, I guess. I’m trying to give myself some credit, something it is really difficult for me to do given all the mistakes I have made in my life. When I lost my marriage, I was pretty crushed, and taken by surprise. I knew we had issues, but never believed it would fall completely apart, but it did and it has taken me a few years to find my ground again. I feel it more than I did during my marriage to be honest. I only have to answer to myself I suppose. I have my kids in my life, we smile, we laugh and it’s all very real. I have beautiful grandchildren, and now I have my own beautiful dog. She really is my world. Everything I do centers around her happiness. It’s my responsibility. I can feel her sleeping at my feet right now, and that is just a comforting feeling.

I guess life can be good, and I just wanted to write about that tonight and see where it went. Life can be good if we let it.

Good night moon.