I’ve written heavy stuff lately. My motivation is to put aside all the filters and dive in. Going back and looking it over, I am aware it’s enough to scare people, but to be truthfully honest, that’s only meant to be part of the point. It is not to simply scare people, as much as it is to explore raw honesty. Raw honesty with a solution to the issues we all walk around with. Some don’t manifest themselves as easily as others do. I just want to get inside my psyche and express it as well as I can with words. I’m not creating a scenario of self destruction as much as I am trying to touch on some of the demons I carry around in my life. I lost a good friend this week and that has kind of shook my world. At the same time, it has been important for me to recognize that I did everything I could to keep that friendship in place, but it was not in the cards. I’m not going to blame myself. I’m going to move forward.

A lot of my motivation in my writing began again shortly after I had a stroke. It wasn’t terribly debilitating though I had some memory loss and difficulty socially for several months. No physical issues so I was fortunate in that regard. But I guess mentally, I struggled. Today I am pretty sure I am fully recovered, but I feel like I have a different sense of my life than before the accident. I’ll never completely know what happened, except to say today I kind of have a new lease on life. I don’t let things bring me down as much as I used to. I look at my future and I give myself around 25 years at a minimum. That’s better than walking around with a death wish. I don’t have that but I do have the ability to delve into what I would call my dark places. Recently a blogger whom I really respect for their honesty pointed out my words and how they impacted my emotions. I thank him for that, it really did mean something to me. Another commenter left a picture of a sunflower and that commentary along with one more a day later certainly impacts me. I’m not out to get attention as much as I am trying to find an avenue for my writing. 

So in recent weeks, my effort is not to write the perfect poem. It is kind of exploring those scary parts of life, and as one blogger said, I probably feel better afterward. So if you read this whole thing, please know I appreciate your time. Good night.