I might be that person I thought I wanted to be
the one that would capture your attention,
the man who would become your king,
I remember the hours that would go by when I first
began to compose my serenade to you,
I could travel for miles listening to every note
that might remind me of a way to speak to you.
I wondered then why I needed so badly to know,
what reason had I beyond just simply being,
I wondered how it was I could maintain your love,
when really, I hadn’t held onto anything at all.
If ever I could I might return to that moment
when I gave you my first kiss, and watched you walk away.
Your jeans, with their special lines, so well designed.
How is it that moment remains and allows me to forget
all of the pain, the confusion, the inability to understand why.
I could no longer hold onto you anymore, I could see in your eyes,
you’d moved on, you were somewhere else, the bookshelf collapsed.
I should have known then when words spilled across the wood
your reaction was simply to gather them into a pile,
a task left for another day without any immediacy,
their matter had little value anymore beyond some moment
farther away, in a distant future, a breakfast encounter
that when he walked through the door, she then mentioned to me,
how shallow his appearance, how vague his meaning to be.
If ever I could, I might truly wander back in time, I might wish
to realize then that now it all seemed the ruse it truly was.