A Terrible Week

I found myself crying a lot this week. I don’t mind a good cry, it can be rather cleansing. However, this emotion I experienced had layers. It had begun early in the weekend, the truth of a sudden turn in my life had reckoned itself to such a degree I felt for the first time I was unable to turn back. I realized pain, and sought some way to reduce the impact of my fears. But I couldn’t, the foundation had been laid down, and I was now faced with never being given another chance to redeem myself. I think the most difficult aspect of that reality was that I was confused with what was real and what now is illusion in my life.

Never is illusion an easy outlet to define. The term suggest we are ill in our own state of mind, to such a degree, we are compelled to create something out of nothing. In doing so, I remained stuck in my own quandary over how I lost someone I really loved. Everything in my life became one-sided, and I had no recourse. I was no longer connected to the security of our passage of time, and I was forced to imagine life without her.

And then it happened. Something bigger than any of us could ever predict. I lost two people in my community that recognized a certain culture buried in backlash and discrimination. Two people died under unusual circumstances. I watched someone I was very close to unravel, and it was difficult to experience. At the same time, I kept wanting some explanation in another part of my life that leaves me today, extremely alone.

I didn’t find relief, and tonight as I write these passage, there is still no peace.

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When Wonder Whines

I sometimes look at the world we live in,

and I wonder, is it mine to simply understand

or is what there is to believe

as complicated as it might seem.

 

The people I interact with have similar hopes,

we all feel certain the goodness in our hearts

yet how often have we let another walk by

whom later on we wondered their whereabouts.

 

We all wish to be a part of the solution,

tip a feather in my hat, I knew not to wander

yet, later on, sitting in my own quiet comfort

I still begin to wonder, is this really what I mean.

 

I’d like to think the world holds a positive energy,

impossible to measure without that negative strain.

Wonder About Wander

I wonder,

a wander,

I wander about in wonder,

the formula of finding purpose,

while walking into forever.

 

I wander,

a wonder,

I wonder about in wander,

the essence of a philosophy,

while settling inside a routine.

 

I wonder about why,

what is it,

causes me to wander,

rather than letting my soul cry,

it is the future of a sweet wonder.

 

I wonder why we wonder,

while the rotation continues nearby.

Haiku Pattern

brief quick respond sweet

while inside our hearts do meet

tick we solemn greet

~

want happy ending

searching for a new something

always in yearning

~

simple truths began

an early childhood plan

never fear the man

~

summer in sunset

a beautiful days only regret

what is chaos let

~

once in a happy smile

a positive energy awhile

outside peace beguile

White Caps Weave

Lake Superior 4/1/2015

Lake Superior 4/1/2015

***

The trance of your cadence is marvelous

steady, always climbing silent new walls

yet we might hear your cry to recall us

a treat to our eyes, with each white cap falls

~

upon rock, mixing soil, leave sign of rife

battle internal released in shallow.

Long ago mothers recall quiet life

with now a soul you garnered in gallows,

~

scream wind a spiritual compass within

leaves our naked eyes curious while we seek

new lives, next days, in sound waves to begin

stronger response in Her grasp of the meek.

~

Share this wonder rampant in earthly rhyme

Our heartbeat will you gracious measure time

Wanting Love On Purpose

I want to know why

let me play the way

I was meant to display

my wares, my skills,

my what a long time that is,

between knowing and wondering.

Do we all do this,

I mean just wander

inside of our dreams,

occasionally stepping out

to acknowledge the real things

that seem to bother,

seem to impede,

seem always bent upon bending

the nearly wondrous motion of love.

That is it right?

Someone the other day,

struggled to smile,

they couldn’t imagine

such abandoned fervor,

their partner had forgotten,

misplaced love.

I wonder if there is an answer,

when in the morning our day begins,

we walk past each other silent,

not knowing or suggesting

we know anything about

love.

Yet then when she turns toward you,

with eyes that speak of need,

remember she probably contains

the same virtue as

the next; the line is thorough,

because we all need love.