AP File Photo
Oh to discover a resolve,
to know just how easy it might have been,
now with years of solitude,
time enough to let one’s heart bend.
The sallow nature of my contempt
for a life beyond any circumstance,
that bellows the societal ill
I might wish to dissuade perchance.
When once sheer beauty is measured
in the safety of love without cost
only known to be a natural inkling,
with little agenda, ascertain no loss.
While walking in a solo atmosphere
there seems always a chaperone
of ugliness, wishing to know beauty,
and yet all along that love is known.
Oh to find the solace in natural age,
when all the soul has found complete
the offering of a peace, some tranquil
response, beauty without we compete.
If I could reach inside and rip out the pain that stops me in my tracks
I would do so and I let the ugliness drip off my fingertips,
because then I could choose to hold onto it,
or let it go, and watch it fall,
pull out the garden hose,
spray it into the soil,
until all around me I could see,
life is abundant, growing, and offers a peace,
The problem is sometimes addiction won’t allow a second chance,
we seem buried,
unable to get past the reality of our woes,
and even then, when we understand them,
we still fight for reasoning,
this happened then, when, it was, because I wanted, it didn’t
really matter anymore to anyone.
I’ve been sitting in a chair today,
actually for days,
trying to get out,
but the vacuum hold is remarkable,
my body feels secure,
my mind is screaming,
as I look at the door, and realize,
it cannot stay open forever.
I wonder sometimes about real pain,
is it like this,
or is this just part of a visual game,
seems like I’ll never figure out a way to find the blockbuster,
instead, I’ll probably remain,
wishing purgatory could be
a safer place to be then I seem to realize.
Oh the (dark) places we go,
if only Dr. Seuss could remedy all,
perhaps the quiet abyss might no longer,
contain the strength,
the grasp sometimes
inherent in my every step,
the outlook of my day.
I sometimes wonder the strength of my addictions,
are the reason I move slowly,
perhaps in reason the justification
of lost principle,
allows me to wallow in my
sad and lonely way.
I’ve made mistakes,
they are plain to see,
unless you wouldn’t know me,
I could walk around in circles,
a bit more mistake free.
It is an inherent trait in our society,
to judge the person on your left and right,
in order some would argue,
to set your own demons free,
or am I only speaking of me.
I sometimes reflect on a world
of alcohol and drugs,
oh the sweet nectar
of setting myself apart
symbol I felt of hope and faith.
The gambling arm,
set in tone the rest of me,
and for the little time I’d known,
I would seek refuge there,
only to come to terms,
with another bottle of scotch,
with an endless pour.
There is something remarkably beautiful
peace of mind,
a peace to build our hopes upon.
inside the miracle of time.
I look to find all the faces,
that disturb my sleep,
in the middle of the night,
left staring at a wall,
rather safe than closing my eyes,
to once again,
in the middle of a dream,
would there be an onslaught …
faces on demons.
We might suppose,
they’ll always be there,
like skeletons with favorite postures,
we liken them all,
to our own sheltered storm,
inside an expression at the county fair,
won’t allow a soul,
to imagine any other pain,
Occasionally when walking alone,
I choose with earnest,
to put my own,
face on demons,
I suppose it may appear absurd,
but rather than in a crowd,
I can own my own expression,
no longer under a shroud.
Oh there are these walls,
you can’t see them.
frankly I can’t either,
we can always feel them,
walking through a crowded market,
and the eyes,
the many faces that seem to know you are there,
and we wonder,
are we as obviously noticing them as they are,
realizing our world isn’t alone,
we are all together,
fighting this machine,
goes far beyond who we are in the moment,
that’s when it all began.
that clarifying incident,
the time our hearts hurt,
we hadn’t realized the pain was not ours alone,
that local planet shit,
that place where we suddenly come to know,
the love and reason for living is suddenly,
we don’t know really,
not even now,
only real piece to hang onto,
we come to realize it does exist,
our hearts are capable of love,
the real thing,
the imagination once tested with artificial
has suddenly been taught to feel,
we do visualize beauty again,
the sun rose this morning and remarkable as it seems,
See them and imagine the future,
an ominous purple haze of opportunity,
for it is the chaos of our lives,
allows change to overcome the static.
Seek a society of forgiveness,
the travels of pain sometime hidden,
yet the exposure to the elements
often a truly ominous test resilient.
When washed ashore in crude oil,
stains did seem to be eternal,
with each soaking, the mind,
nearly gave up on finding shelter.
It is in the addict’s eye
the storm will always remain,
it depends only upon a realization
that life contains sweet horizons.
We would only give attention
to the happiness we dwell upon,
a city scape, an ocean view,
a soft breeze in a given milieu.
The deep and threatening wall
of circumstance that will prevail
is only Nature’s manner of suggestion
we all would know to typically fall.
I wonder sometimes if they all think,
process, imagine, find futile,
an effort to push a boulder aside.
I feel the clammy stone of a permanence,
both hands taking grip on a monstrous image,
finding the will,
and yet realizing it is not about strength
When forgiveness occurs, we do find a way,
to lean, to count upon, the girth
of our boulders will
hold us up, give us strength,
allow our hearts and mind to know
that though it will never go away,
sometimes the offer
is meant only to be stability.
I was walking along the beach the other day,
the footprints in the sand,
I could tell by their depth and lift,
a certain happiness in the owner’s gait.
Perhaps a burden lifted
the illusion of the rock,
set aside for now to appreciate another day.
Rather than move or alter or deface,
I will continue to cleanse the porous response
the rock reminds us all,
there is a constant reminder,
in our eternity,
to live by a mistake,
is to recognize the beauty of our