They are not loud,
in fact,
whispers that catch me,
wondering where.
They are in my head,
reminders
of why it is that way I am
will be my forever.
I sometimes in the silence
can imagine window sills tremble,
the sky is falling
inside my mind.
I wonder if you might know,
this feeling
is more powerful than
anything I will ever know.
Know it is true,
Know it can never go away.
No, no, know.
I am in my quiet,
the fortress of my own
isolation.
I’m doing everything right,
six feet apart,
wash your hands,
clean your countertops,
do the laundry,
wear gloves at the gas station,
(wait I didn’t, a week ago, what if … )
So many, wonders, what if,
thank God I have my dog,
the only issue though is when he reaches to
touch me,
it usually ends in an abrasive
scratch,
I’ll rather have you close than
catching me in full gallant leap.
I can think of other times in my life when that
unconscious leap occurred
into the arms of one we love,
of those we love,
of the beauty and grace of a hug
of knowing we were consciously
being held.
I no longer imagine my friend
who was in her own faze
of the healing nature of a hug
asking for a constant hug
to such a degree,
would I take a turn
a distant hallway,
find a stairwell,
a corner to escape this moment
of discovery.
I would like that moment back,
or maybe let’s wait a week from now,
I promise,
I will shower,
wash my hands,
wipe down my countertops,
keep a six foot distance,
until no longer
do I need to repress
my own desire,
a need to be held,
a wish to hold
a screaming irony to avoiding those hugs
throughout the entirety
of my own
chosen
isolated life.
COVID 19 rant
© Thom Amundsen 3/2020
We did
in quiet observation,
attend of course
the eyes
windows that speak
well beyond the notice
of a fashion,
of a trend,
of an expectation.
Instead, just a glance
where both pain and joy
can reside,
can wait for the next opportunity
to speak aloud
in the framework
of sweet silence.
We are that coincidence
when two people
encounter one another
on a summer’s day,
in the heat,
the passionate embrace
of a spectacular
sunrise.
We look for the eyes
accentuate the why
© Thom Amundsen 2019
Remember the word invaluable
its mystique left in its own mythological
persona, that feeling of worthiness
beyond the normalcy of our lives.
Remember we always believe,
seldom do we allow ourselves
to fail the resilient nature of
respecting the human condition.
Remember we tend to pretend
‘everything is alright’
‘we should get together soon’
while our facade takes us away.
Remember all the questions
that will arise
when one makes a choice
no one else can understand.
Remember the fascination we have
with living breathing smiling
human beings
remember we are all the same.
Remember to never take for granted
the actions of one have nothing to do
with you.
There in the silence
a wandering soul,
human being
whom when asked
will respond,
will navigate
inside a moment.
What is it the
seeming attraction
takes their heart
beyond finding peace,
instead persecution
offers solace
before a quiet passion.
Once in a storybook
lived a man
who did question
his life,
the meaning around
what is value,
still he found no answer.
There is a fear sometimes
in words,
those subjective tones
an affirmation
later became
such a powerful
condemnation.
How do we survive
when the brain
seems readily drawn
to yanking,
demanding,
interrupting the flow
of a soft heart.
Where is the deepest chasm,
one that defines our lives.
I have walked into your world,
watched your smile direct traffic,
I have known the outcome afterward,
when the world continues alone.
If you smile, they might appeal
to the soft nature of your character.
If you smile we all can breathe
together in the silence of a melody.
When the world does dance quiet,
there are listeners in every shadow,
the meaning of a passionate desire,
begins in grace – centered focal point.
So go ahead, wake up to a smile,
stretch the moment beyond today,
let the onlooker see there is real,
in every opportunity along the way.
more challenge the heart
while the world revolves along
simple paths we choose.
I would ask you this, when your criticism mounts,
do you remember your own tears?
When President Obama shows real tears,
is there a moment when we wonder about ourselves,
when human nature responds with emotion,
we enjoy, we love, we relish the opportunity
to point out our weak society.
When the Newtown tragedy was discussed in your own home,
were there tears, do you remember,
did you block that part out only because you couldn’t possibly
agree with the truth?
Do you remember the first time your mother told you it is ok,
to cry.
To cry in public,
to recognize we are human beings and sadness when on display
could be powerful beyond display.
Do you understand passion, I believe President Obama wants you to.
Think about your last cry, and honor the beauty of peace
of mind and body.
Think about what leadership means when emotion is honorable.
At first glance nearly impossible,
to imagine,
our lives holding dry eyes
while freedom quietly knocks on our door.
We have to understand with love
we explore
the beauty of acceptance
that surreal moment when peace speaks.
I want to believe
freedom without tears
might exist in the heart
when this world begins the day less needy.
I heard cries on the street
new confusion,
we do wish for the moment
we might struggle to know our own identity.
I wonder though some time
speak compassion
are we really wanting this,
or is it another Warhol scream to be heard.
I do believe the tears
will satisfy
the pain in our heart
far greater is the will of emotion than stone.
We collect ourselves
again resilient
to forget yesterday’s ruse,
yet tomorrow, our tears must follow freedom.
I remember I could believe in magical things,
the diamonds we cherished in wedding rings
On a sunny day, I could imagine I’d see forever
when rainbows appeared, I would run until never.
~
When I was a child I recall all of my scary dreams
were mysterious inventions of my fears it seems.
While happiness, security, confusion followed me,
hope, passion, optimism, confidence eluded me.
~
I remember I could look in a person’s eyes at will
without ever wondering if I might be today’s pill.
I could climb a mile of stairs in a half a minute,
turn around, run downstairs and forget I was in it.
~
When I was a child I would smile in every instance
I found if I didn’t my world became horrific intense.
I wish I’d decided as a child to let go of my notions
instead no longer might I pretend away commotions.
~
When I was a child I remember life seemed lovely mild.
A tearful demeanor didn’t determine when I was a child.
