A Terrible Week

I found myself crying a lot this week. I don’t mind a good cry, it can be rather cleansing. However, this emotion I experienced had layers. It had begun early in the weekend, the truth of a sudden turn in my life had reckoned itself to such a degree I felt for the first time I was unable to turn back. I realized pain, and sought some way to reduce the impact of my fears. But I couldn’t, the foundation had been laid down, and I was now faced with never being given another chance to redeem myself. I think the most difficult aspect of that reality was that I was confused with what was real and what now is illusion in my life.

Never is illusion an easy outlet to define. The term suggest we are ill in our own state of mind, to such a degree, we are compelled to create something out of nothing. In doing so, I remained stuck in my own quandary over how I lost someone I really loved. Everything in my life became one-sided, and I had no recourse. I was no longer connected to the security of our passage of time, and I was forced to imagine life without her.

And then it happened. Something bigger than any of us could ever predict. I lost two people in my community that recognized a certain culture buried in backlash and discrimination. Two people died under unusual circumstances. I watched someone I was very close to unravel, and it was difficult to experience. At the same time, I kept wanting some explanation in another part of my life that leaves me today, extremely alone.

I didn’t find relief, and tonight as I write these passage, there is still no peace.

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Difficult Questions

That human reality

communication

steps in to make suggestions

without using words

body language

an errant eye contact

a shift before talks occur

and then it is gone.

That opportunity

the moment

a chance to address

the crossroads

to ask the difficult questions

 

How many relationships

rely upon ‘having a talk’

how many

really do ask the questions

that help maintain

an open resource of trust

and love, and intimacy.

Are they yours,

or did I just read about that

in the books

when I cared,

and now any number of reasons

interfere with communication.

 

Our lives have become complex

career moves, children, society

we struggle to respond to the economic

burdens around us and that becomes

the primary objective or …

How can we get to the core

without hurting one another.

As I sit in the room nearby

my mind is racing

a battle between sheer anger

and lasting love

a caring outcome so desired.

 

Yet, we will walk alone together

realizing one holds the other’s soul.

Following Day’s After

 

 

Man has put out feelers
long tenuous arching snares
that miss their mark.
occasionally.
one can never truly define what is read
and that which becomes dark
blackened by the mystery behind motive.
today a measuring stick is reasonable
firm in reach yet tacit by length and need.
in the evening again rounding angles
that suggest hearkening passion will follow
the thrust of nature’s will.
we are all the same
we are all the same
We are all
wishes wanton will the
Same.
measure that again and decide
upon argument can
point of reference
in touch, in eye, in noise,
inclusive yet exclusive.
reward me that and let notions become
a fallacy’s playground.