That’s really how it feels sometimes. One day, I’m on top of the world, and the next just scratching the surface, feeling the grit inside my frame of mind, unable to process what was once like hang gliding in the atmosphere one beautiful fall afternoon. Then something happens in our world that cannot be denied.
I often yearn for that balance in my life, rather than the peaks and valleys. Living with the rush of exhilaration that comes with a high and then trying to accept the low a few days later can be very wearing on anyone. The hardest part though is when people don’t understand or that me myself doesn’t want to, wishes not to fix the flaw. I’d rather stay inside the mire of a sadness that I just will not ever be able to escape. Though moments of hope do always exist in our lives.
Today, something historic happened. We elected our next president of the United States. Four years of hell just ended and a weak man spent the day on a golf course building his own case of denial. A gracious man accepted the nation’s choice to have him – Joe Biden and his running mate Kamala Harris – to be our next leaders of this country.
I remember when I first saw the announcement, I was stunned. It felt finally there would be some normalcy in our country. We didn’t have to struggle with being fractured any longer. We had a chance to be loving again.
My only regret is that I am alone with this celebration. Today, I spent the day watching the news, and it was so uplifting so beautiful so hopeful that I couldn’t imagine anything else in my life for just that moment.
But then the fear came back, this seething manner that my mind just trails off to where nothing really matters, and I become caught up in my own woe. The interesting thing is that being able to write it now is so revealing and yet at the same time freeing. I know I will always struggle this way, but there are beautiful things out there in our world that will always continue to offer my satisfaction and confidence.
I’m riding a wave of happiness tonight, the right person was elected to office, and now as he said we begin to hear as a country. Will he or she both be perfect. NO. Kamala Harris and Joe Biden are as human as any one of us, though they have fought all their lives with principled ideals to finally stand where they do today.
So how do I measure my own life. I look at a man whom has lost his family and gained another over time whom he speaks of with love. His predecessor really does not have a clue, and will be carried out of the Whitehouse kicking and screaming, and i cannot wait to watch that day evolve before our eyes. That’s reality, that is our humanity.
For me, I have to continue to fight for this happiness I so yearn, a model of our society has the potential to help move my state of mind forward.
˙˙© Thom Amundsen 11/7/2020