In My Mind

Starts in the morning sunlight

when awoken by the light of day.

Makes one wonder a clarity

though having lives found far away

provides an amorous vulnerability

would that eyes clearly dream a night.

When once there was memory found

now shall be the reality drawn as one

in arms where eyes can feel such peace

such are romantic airs find release.

Without sweet nostalgic honesty won

how might our lives ever find ground.

Tonight she does in soft memory remind,

silence a soulful nature, in love is kind.


©️ Thom Amundsen 12/2020

Finding A Ledge

Oh, I remember

standing in a safe distance

watching them play the risk to the edge,

wondering of the five there,

two over near,

a dozen way beyond the fence,

were any one

vulnerable,

wondering just really curious about the edge,

the immediacy of leaving behind

memory and travels.

~

I’ve stood on many a ledge

decades of indecision,

yet somehow the gravel maintained

my grip,

or I got a call for a dinner reservation,

turned around, walked away,

and the thought drifted off the edge.

~

Have you ever had a sort of quiet peace,

knowing there are those ledges

each of us

can share together,

rather than having to imagine

too much fear,

far too much confusion,

might bring us back upon

some lonely ledge.

~

The truth is,

not every ledge has room for

alone.


© Thom Amundsen 12/2020

Choices

Beautiful morning in pastel skies

lain in silent repose, autumn respite

breathes crisp is the air. Slow emergent eyes

would life alone always feel sweet regret.

How then we nourish a waking desire

the soul in our heart alive less restrain,

for there always this confusion aspire

dreams ahead so absolute quell the rain.

Let swift his own methodic … a Chopin

serenade … to reach high in the heavens.

Varied in nature our eyes could open

while an offering melt away burdens.

Oh now this moment our passion release.

For there is the will of God grant our peace.


©️ Thom Amundsen 12/2020

Sunshine and Coffee

I have these moments

this is a paradigm

a realization of some sort to

hang onto with every fiber

of my state of mind.

Life changes and we hitch on

to find wherever

a landing pad

might let us fall back on our feet

again.

We could fall off the ledge

and yet

always there is a rolling hill

to slow us eventually

in soft memory

of fields of play in our childhood.

Maybe nostalgic,

perhaps hopeful

yet everyday there is a chance for sunlight,

and when that occurs,

a smile may emanate,

a radiance …

we all have dreams.


© Thom Amundsen 11/2020

Me and My Dog

Clever how we begin

a reminiscent

wave of emotion

rolls through our mind.

Tonight while I lay alone

avoiding that

temperature

this runny nose

that freaks me out

leaves me wonder

how might I ever take care of

my dog.

All we have is

an affection

loyal in a soft fur

lays next to me

winter night.

I am alone

though this is ok

love another day

for so does he,

me and my dog


©️ Thom Amundsen 11/2020

Friends Will Reach

I have had a few tough days. It is funny how quickly I can sometimes fall into what my mother would often call a low when her diabetes was out of balance. My lows aren’t the result of diabetes, not by any stretch. But I do have them, and I sometimes wish they didn’t exist at all. Of late, I’ve written about these moments directly rather than dancing around with a solemn poem, or a telling sonnet, or some way of making life seem more tenable with selective word choice.

Tonight I got a call from a friend. She said she’d read my stuff lately and she felt like she might want to check in on me. She’s pretty sharp, she knows patterns, she knows me very well. I was grateful on a number of accounts. One I was in a state of mind to take her call. We talked for some time, shared our stories of isolation with Covid, and the need to recognize that everyone is dealing with a similar energy, though as well, everyone handles it differently.

There are people I miss in my life. Dear friends I am no longer in touch with for a variety of reasons, none of which I can even explain to myself. That said, I have to understand that I need to look at these moments as an opportunity rather than a reason for tragedy. I worry about things far more than I would wish to admit.

Recently, my cousin’s husband was in a near death accident. He didn’t want to place himself in that position when he woke that morning. It just happened, and God let him live. I think about that sometimes, how we have a choice, and yet we don’t have a choice. I think the latter is far more healthy to live by rather than believing we are in control of our own destiny. I think as long as we continue to understand how certain truths work in our lives, life can become easier.

People we care about are getting sick and testing positive with Covid. We have questions about whether the increased testing is causing the alarming numbers to rise, but then at the same time, the illness that occurs with those afflicted is real and not overstated. So many circumstances in life today are filled with confusion, and there is only one thing we can do about it, act upon every measure we can to maintain our safety and that of all of those around us.

A friend showed me an act of kindness tonight that really did mean the world to me. My life is good, I cannot argue that – the last ten months have been filled with so much change and so much need for growth, I can’t help be grateful for the people I do know that without seeing directly still carry the same compassionate energy we all do when we are next to each other rather than spaced by social distancing. We can still be kind. We can still love no matter the distance in our hearts, in our world.

I think the essence of love is truly knowing there is a spiritual basis to how we live our lives. The more we hide behind the demons and the fear of own woe, the less chance we have to appreciate a soft snow that exists outside my window as I finish my words here.

I have Pachelbel playing in the background, and it is soothing to imagine where and when that song came into my life. I was just 20 years old and in a scene from ‘Ordinary People’ Timothy Hutton is humming it as he walks through a cemetery on his way home from school. He is exploring a new life, and has fallen in love. It was a poignant moment that is always with me, a sort of I can overcome this vulnerability if I just listen and think about that which I love.

I personally love when I feel there is a kind word for everyone in our lives.


© Thom Amundsen 11/2020

The Next Day

That’s really how it feels sometimes. One day, I’m on top of the world, and the next just scratching the surface, feeling the grit inside my frame of mind, unable to process what was once like hang gliding in the atmosphere one beautiful fall afternoon. Then something happens in our world that cannot be denied.

I often yearn for that balance in my life, rather than the peaks and valleys. Living with the rush of exhilaration that comes with a high and then trying to accept the low a few days later can be very wearing on anyone. The hardest part though is when people don’t understand or that me myself doesn’t want to, wishes not to fix the flaw. I’d rather stay inside the mire of a sadness that I just will not ever be able to escape. Though moments of hope do always exist in our lives.

Today, something historic happened. We elected our next president of the United States. Four years of hell just ended and a weak man spent the day on a golf course building his own case of denial. A gracious man accepted the nation’s choice to have him – Joe Biden and his running mate Kamala Harris – to be our next leaders of this country.

I remember when I first saw the announcement, I was stunned. It felt finally there would be some normalcy in our country. We didn’t have to struggle with being fractured any longer. We had a chance to be loving again.

My only regret is that I am alone with this celebration. Today, I spent the day watching the news, and it was so uplifting so beautiful so hopeful that I couldn’t imagine anything else in my life for just that moment.

But then the fear came back, this seething manner that my mind just trails off to where nothing really matters, and I become caught up in my own woe. The interesting thing is that being able to write it now is so revealing and yet at the same time freeing. I know I will always struggle this way, but there are beautiful things out there in our world that will always continue to offer my satisfaction and confidence.

I’m riding a wave of happiness tonight, the right person was elected to office, and now as he said we begin to hear as a country. Will he or she both be perfect. NO. Kamala Harris and Joe Biden are as human as any one of us, though they have fought all their lives with principled ideals to finally stand where they do today.

So how do I measure my own life. I look at a man whom has lost his family and gained another over time whom he speaks of with love. His predecessor really does not have a clue, and will be carried out of the Whitehouse kicking and screaming, and i cannot wait to watch that day evolve before our eyes. That’s reality, that is our humanity.

For me, I have to continue to fight for this happiness I so yearn, a model of our society has the potential to help move my state of mind forward.


˙˙© Thom Amundsen 11/7/2020

The Sacrifice of a Feeling

Yesterday traveling ‘Old Steepee’ I careened upon gravel

ripping apart my knees in the rocky crags of a violent spill.

 

I could understand how someone might react to the news

a son or daughter in kind would experience shallow views

 

We as a nation seem easily drawn be opportunity to flounder

knowing somehow in the end no one takes any time to ponder.

 

Our lives are consistent with a penchant for sweet perfection

maybe my own having practiced this viral scheme of attention

 

Whatever case could conclude in our desire to find release

from the burden of sensitivity provides little felt peace.


© Thom Amundsen 7/2020

Hang Onto Dreams

Oh how we do experience fallout

letting our safer dreams fade into blue

the light of day soon cast away from view.

Eyes begin to lose life tossed about

 

in the mainstream; an acceleration

of a mechanical nature spans time.

(imagine lives driven only by rhyme).

We saviors within our own affliction

 

must then resort, balance upon virtue.

When in the heat of salvaging mind

would battling truth a constant we find,

recall sweet the elixir – living true.

 

Don’t ever let we might somehow release

sweet imagination, a twilight peace.


© Thom Amundsen 6/2020