I remember not wanting to be around,
afraid of my own shadow,
playing anxiety games with my friends,
see who could cover their shadow,
who might understand the freedom
the real world,
the possibility that exists beyond our dreams.
I remember sleepless nights with an amphetamine,
the coursing through my veins attitude,
we could last for hours on our own,
no signs of empathy needed,
we were powerful with a dash of freedom
in a zigzag rolled with the finest weed.
We were always able to finally fool ourselves.
I remember wanting to escape,
hoping this next moment might be my freedom,
the simple reality of an hour,
could I forget myself long enough to remember
where it was I wished to be,
when while a slow reality might creep in,
I could still be 17.
I remember when it was possible to dream,
imagine a world where my life seemed real,
I could play with ideas,
preach philosophies that turned on the girls,
i would listen to Steely Dan,
while trying to paralyze my body,
through some Buddhist meditation.
I remember seldom wondering about the next day.