I read a book the other day,
pointed in a direction
seemed attainable
if.
We all have those wonders
carry us through the day,
a decision in an hour
affects the rest of our lives,
well maybe it does,
at least in that moment.
What about another way,
a journey toward a risk,
what about asking for nothing,
instead finding out just what it is
holding us back
making us right
or at least thinking we are.
I read a book the other day,
plan is to do this,
read another day.
A person could
over time
lose their mind.
Suppose that is the fear
when those calm
rather only speculate,
know everyone cares.
Afraid of certain words
might – over the edge
him,
(them),
her.
© Thom Amundsen. 11/2021
To say that life is easy
would be to make me queasy
for we should know this, really,
seems remedied easily.
~
Time has its failures
masses of personality
complete with ventures
beyond our serenity.
~
i’m a hypocrite in line
standing in line
standing in line
I’m a hypocrite in line
~
Would any silent response
give just enough influence
Could we not be who flaunts
rather, lives in the onslaught
~
I’m a hypocrite in line, standing in line.
© Thom Amundsen 10/2021
The many thoughts that go through my mind before surgery. Why did I walk into the ER? I wasn’t losing a leg, losing my sight, losing my mind. I’m only going through a minor procedure, though some would say it is major. I’m not asking for something to be removed that is going to thrive in the next few weeks, months, years. I’m told it will only worsen. I know now the pain I was feeling is something real, and not my imagination, though it took a couple of days in the hospital to figure that out.
I guess that is part of my dilemma. What if I don’t go in? Then I walk around thinking of some mass in my body that is only going to worsen. Some condition that goes undiagnosed. Then I believe that because I already have an identified heart condition, that shortness of breath isn’t anything to take for granted. Then I wonder what would it be like if I lived in a society where I didn’t have nearly the medical benefits I have in my own world today? Would I just have to tough it out? Yes, unfortunately there are worlds where my conditions would not be resolved and my longevity as a human being would be shortened.
So maybe that is the biggest question. What is our responsibility when given chances to maintain or extend our lives because of medical prowess. Shouldn’t we just let ourselves be in God’s hands? There are many factors that preclude that natural outcome with our mortality. Think of the things we lose when we are taken ‘before our time.’ We each have those bucket lists that apply to our own lives. We then are often brought to mind those that take their lives in their own regard rather than through the natural course of the human condition. So many factors are evident.
Today, minutes away from surgery, I wonder how important it really is. I am told the organ being removed is no longer functional and that it is not a dire loss to my body chemistry. Though there is a healing process, adjustments and recovery, and a somewhat lifestyle change.
I guess my quick conclusion before I am drugged into anesthesia is that there is a purpose in maintaining our health, if the tools and devices are there and readied for our welfare. I suppose it gives us opportunity to again look at the bigger picture and understand theses choices are meant not to be in our own hands.
What I have ahead of me is a minor surgery in the greater scheme of things, but yet still a learning moment I cannot pretend is non-existent.
So many nights my dreams
manifest my days,
yet I’m told,
little is the connection
when we trial,
we try to understand
just where it is we did discover
how close our imagination
rests within the recesses of our mind,
that emotional sojourn,
safely tucked away,
giving only allowance to our reality,
when the time is,
when we are supposed,
when then we need to understand.
I would recall a song or certain melody,
mood change, slow recall,
a memory might take me miles away
that time before this past
outcome. An adventure is welcome
when fear is abated sooner
than an insidious need to redefine,
to understand of course,
a recognized outcome similar to having
processed a difficult moment
We have had them occasionally, like
just the other night.
I was recalling when a summer rain
brought me back to a walk
just you and me and city lights, cobblestone
a European fantasy,
even a Christmas time walk along the lights,
far ahead, I watched you stroll,
wondering if I might lose you tonight,
not knowing when, just that sense
we all get when we haven’t a desire to really
face our demons in such pretty
surroundings.
When I think about how much hardship I let
myself go through the next
few blocks, hours of time, years, months before,
I suddenly am thankful,
I decided to spend my life with her.
She’s not someone you know,
We’re both really fine with that knowledge.
Once in my life I did the right thing.
A picture speaks a truth.
~
I danced alone happy,
the first time I could.
~
A conversation
a put down
a clarity of purpose
a scant reminder
~
A why do we do this
sort of thing
moment
that allows our lives
to become enthralled
by the ones that do.
~
A reckoning
when time slows
enough to wonder
about how simple
a decision
might be well after
consequence:
inherent trepidation.
~
A summer night
stars are out,
a full moon waning
sheds a sorrowful tear
on a quiet reality,
while we all enter
a continuum
that part of our lives
we could never …
but we did.
~
Another time
we revisit in hope
we might settle
a difference that
when recalled
did help us focus
on why we
hate reminders
~
Would we ever
again be able,
could we possibly
understand
just how far
we did stray.
~
A friend once said
they wished the world
could get along
without a fight.
~
We yelled each other’s name,
never did we speak again.
~
We didn’t try to look outside.
That space we seldom see,
unless already known,
the mask regrets nothing
while internal turmoil creeps
about waiting,
about wanting,
about hoping to lash out,
when the time is right.
When our mecca,
single-most desire,
passion
steps toward a ledge,
we cower again,
we scramble to grasp
a mask,
a shelter to protect
our, his, my, your, we’re all
yearning.
Seems readily available,
a facade I mean,
that piece of fabric
transparent when we will it to be.
Yet, in the midst of turbulence,
a cacophony of havoc,
when then we realize
efforts in vanity
far outweigh a
genuine disorder,
well then
might we all smile,
to know just once,
that certain need to survive,
universal.
Sleep well with your mask,
gently placed on the end table.
You’ll find it again,
the moment hope is needed,
in the chaotic nature,
defines,
the human condition.
We all have them,
depends on a sunny day,
how well we can tuck away
our personal tragedy,
or bold success.
Matters really the arena
we decidedly turn to,
or need,
perhaps want to listen, to see,
to recognize who
we might want to be
at the moment.
~
There are too many days
when a sedentary attitude
overrides a natural course of action.
We might imagine white sands,
pristine sun-streaked skies
with radiant horizons stretching forever,
yet, when the frame is removed,
the nail remains,
to suggest our wall continues
to impede our vision.
~
Please salute the reality
of our ways,
please recognize
the beauty in growth,
the resilient effort
toward understanding
who we are in the moment.
Do suggest to ourselves,
to you, to him, to ‘they’
to ever present and real,
me, us, everyone.
‘We’ are capable
beyond the frayed edges,
to smooth our ends.
We choose a step, a cadence, a pattern
we may distinguish as our own,
yet we always have knowledge,
of our predecessor, our previous walk.
When someone is borne of ambition
their ideals, point of reference
seems rather fascinating to the observer,
so magical is idyllic inspiration.
~
We have options we often share
with our neighbors next door,
without ever having to interact
or face the music of our fear.
We wave while passing by on a walk,
having little idea of what’s on their mind,
keeping silent our own frame of …
quite frankly we probably don’t care.
~
Tonight while staring at my favorite wall,
I could see through the haze a world,
furniture looks nice, a fireplace glows
we could not have imagined a life so grand.
Yet the wall continues to hinder my eyes
when inside my body will churn, misguide
my motives to remain a sedentary
human example of groomed woodwork.
~
When walking someone said choose a path.
When walking someone suggested our path.
~
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