Tag: childhood

If I Pretend, Will They Too

We want that,

we wish and pray,

like to believe in that

we all would like it this way,

mild confusion, yet,

what steps in the

middle of our sudden circumstance,

suggests we’ve lost our

ability to freely take chance

with what we believed up until today.

~

When I grew up I realized

I had slowly lost my way,

when all of my years of trying to find

the solution toward that which I pray,

I cannot get over how deep the ravine

of indecision, has continued to fall.

I want to believe,

truly like you, we all do, somewhere inside,

want to recognize our human frailty

might be …

To be vulnerable in our world is to indicate weakness.

when playing on the school grounds,

I didn’t want to play,

and rather than be left alone,

I wanted you to ask me,

then,

to play.

I didn’t want to figure it out years later,

with some bookend that appeared to imagine

what I felt inside.

Such bullshit to believe we cannot allow ourselves

to need,

instead we are asked to always amend,

our weakness so they can recommend

that answer that everyone else seems

already well ahead of the game of …

slipping slowly

unravel the dreams

to expose the fear,

that piece I believe

I seldom show

yet you might argue

is always there,

unmasked in artificial

burial grounds of

gin, liquor and bloody mary,

further less protected by

acts of random ignorance.

There is a sea of disparity that awaits my soul,

and when I arrive,

will the laughter remain,

or perhaps,

will all my anxieties, my intuitions of doom,

will every ideal that I ever believe

suddenly vanish in the misty shorelines

of deceit and depravity,

that arena of justice,

that seems so apparently there,

just waiting,

asking,

playing for the right moment,

when silent in the afternoon sunshine,

I suddenly feel like everything,

my world, theirs, and all of ours

instantaneous gratification,

bears its unruly head,

to suggest …

we all pretend.

Growing Up

When I was just a little boy

I’d wonder thoughts of a man

How soon beyond this simple toy

would life become a void if I ran

away, apart from all that I love

searching again for that above

~

As then my teens would turn on me

the reckoning of coming of age

yet, what if instead I might decree

a liberty, desire to remain. I’d wage

a war on the passions that imply

that now today has become my lie.

~

For when the winds of November call

seems always we are falling down.

The blues of winter become visible

while we seek shelter, she her gown

drapes the countryside with that layer

of frozen tears, an ominous arctic prayer

~

Seems yesterday I was that little kid

playing about without a worry in my mind

each morning, in bloom a new orchid

that gave solace with little need to remind

me of a future that would cause such pain

I’d rather wander slow than reach for gain.

Finding Fear

I think I was twelve,

I know I was,

but perhaps I try to forget.

I know I wanted

some explanation, a discussion,

a civil acceptance.

We were children

we didn’t need to understand

only live our quiet, innocent lives

without knowing discretion.

Please let me explain

while you summon your …

benevolent attitude.

When once we might play outside

as children often do,

today I could not walk away,

without fearing you.

I suppose you might believe I was afraid of them,

but that was confusion,

that moment of indescretion,

when it was you

that explained so emphatically,

your views.

That was the moment I began

finding fear,

never completely accepting

how close to me,

your philosophy,

your affinity with the masses

of perpetual ignorance,

your insidious posture

revealing its ugliness

remained.

When Hope takes Holiday

Steve McCurry
Steve McCurry

The park seemed so attainable,

safe, reachable,

nothing sharp, or piercing,

only the equipment

that satisfied my eyes,

always,

morning through night,

hours of fun she said,

and insisted,

and prayed that I might,

then understand.

~

Before the storms arrived,

I knew my ground,

wished for fairy tale dreams,

while searching the skies

as my hair trailed on the sandy ground.

Peaceful and alive,

I knew I could do this forever,

and today I would,

for just out of her reach,

I felt the initial wave,

when the bombs dropped.

Game Changers

earth

When I was a kid

If a girl wanted to …

~

Romance …

I sometimes recall those moments

Took courage rather than a quick,

If ever I believed in your beauty

I needed to show up on your door …

~

Today …

Tell me if it is difficult to know,

To recognize a person is real

By a snapchat that disappears

With the reality of a possibility …

~

Yesterday …

I could sit in bed and delight

Knowing the smile you left me

As we stepped away at school

How lovely you might be in your…

~

Privacy …

A world that in my imagination

Remained sacred containing

Only the beauty and elegance

My fantasy might create …

~

World …

Every device in our hands

At our fingertips gives us time

To connect across the universe

And yet our human condition …

~

Imagine …

“You may say I’m a dreamer

But I’m not the only one

I hope someday you’ll join us

And the world will be as one…”      -Lennon

~

Passion …

Years ago my sister taught me

This word is bigger than it sounds

We have an opportunity to live

We have a responsibility to give …

~

Music …

It drives our lovely soul and body

I move as my words hit the paper

I feel with a delicious responsive

Desire to be real, and live life free …

~

We continue to recreate the wheel, we will

In our vanity, our fears, our … planetary ills

Passing Time

Into a sea of humanity

Each body moving against the current

Drifting by

Eyes wavering sometimes connecting

Making my way to my next class

Wondering if I might see her

This was the usual hour

I even knew which part of the hallway

To look for

As she always let her soft left shoulder

Grace the wall space

Sort of a security that if bumped

Forced to step into the open mass

Of students all looking for each other

She might visibly become lost

I always dreamed of saving her

Even when her eyes didn’t connect

Her shoulder turning the corner

Walking away again with such elegance

~

In a moment

Navigating through the faces

There he would be

If he might just look towards the walls

And see my usual posture

Trying to remain invisible

Only for his eyes

Only for that moment

When before taking the corner

I might smile with his eyes

Swept through the moments

I could use the security

Of the wall space

To protect my agony if ever tossed

Into the middle of a room

With faces all around

Lost in a moment of delirious

Peer driven angst with my fears

~

We do walk like ships flailing madly our lily masts in the night

Wandering with our free mind a passion is love’s burden to ignite

A Boy’s Childhood

me

I want to remember my childhood

There were good things

The smiles that my mom provided

~

Dancing a jig that I’d made up

Listening to the Beatles holding my hand

Playing the piano and sight reading

~

Until years later I couldn’t do that anymore

Something got in the way

My fingertips in place, eyes graced the keyboard

A certain energy took my breath away

So I ran out the door

And part of my heart chose to never return

Always a dream-like reality

Some disconnection

~

Walking silent amongst my siblings

Always hoping to feel as strong

Wishing my world would be similar

~

Protesting Vietnam while Simon & Garfunkel

Spoke of bridges and metaphors

Remembering how the theatre was dying

And poetry was terrible in her eyes

I watched my family tear apart

The fabric that for me would comfort

My fears on a summer’s day

My anxiety in the winter’s darkness

~

There were fleeting moments

When she described me as a ‘now’

Person whose life could explode

~

Inside the inspiration of a realization

Then Lennon died and for a time

I understood Kennedy, X, and MLK

Why Bobby couldn’t outlive his brother

When Walter Cronkite cried before us all

I remember suddenly becoming, older

When no longer could my voice simply be heard

Reflections would later trace my feelings in word

I Watched You

I watched you as your sister’s hand

Led you cautiously along the path

I could see your eyes search the land

Wonderment in your seeking hath

Allowed me to then realize

This little man could love the world

As life evolved around him wise

Reach out and on its axis twirled

~

I once imagined a new life begins

And wished that all the pain around us

Might leave his innocence in quiet wins

To allow his gentle spirit heed little fuss

Only live with wealth of mind and soul

Abiding just as conformity might suggest

A young man now wanting only a goal

Of innocence and grace and without jest

~

I watched as life’s gravity allowed my world

To remain secure while you walked away

Moral Fiber

I was very young

when they introduced me to

reality

That they might believe a word

could erase my innocence

that they

is a descriptive word at all is disturbing

A generalization

A way to not take

Responsibility

That moral fiber

might be discussed,

is a question we tend to avoid

when the going gets …

awkward silence

Walks Nostalgic

Image

And I was walking up a hill

Feeling the rocks crack under me

As each step suggested will

That certain desire to keep

~

Climbing with uncertain fears

Wishing there might be a rise

In the morning; spirit of nature’s

Beauty; her grace might now advise

~

My frame of mind is patterned

By a ritual to believe in knowing

Each day I’ll reveal a learned

Truth that His grace is forgiving

~

And now today the rocks remain

Loose in gravel as we slowly climb

In memory our hearts still contain

Same fears, same hopes, same time

~

When forty years ago I wished peace

Might overtake the daily arrogance

That quiet revelation, that new tease

Of notion will allow our heartfelt chance

~

To travel back in time and steal away

The hours that reveal certainty today.