Night Moves

Stillness

Often words alone

Running parallel in my mind

As hours tick past my dreams

the awake moment holds strong

Quiet reckoning

Can’t move

Can’t think

Can’t evolve

And sleep

Becomes a luxury

That awaits

A contemplative mind

Hours now intertwined

inside the forgotten moments

Walls

secure the room

like running in place

like running in place

like a simple trace

We stand in silence

Hope reasons a

surreal mystique.

Ethereal Mist

Ethereal Mist

 

Feel it

Imagine a presence

Wherever we go

Howsoever we travel

In any given moment

A mist shadows our lives

 

Place fingertips

Towards the sky

All around the skin

The mist exists

Almost in a manner

Of common knowledge

 

Our lives

Driven and pursued

We choose to cry

Laugh, sing and declare

All within a structure

Based on a whim

Of that ‘mist’ as action

 

Define me

Figure out my motives

And my spirit lives,

Breathe and dance

Upon memory

Upon delight

Bliss in life

 

Spiritual

Reckoning.

Search for meaning

A thoughtful purpose

Within mystique

We declare reason.

What if we began to agree?

What if we began to agree?

We are on a journey

Together our minds are occupied

Rarely do we share exacting ideas

In fact we often keep ourselves alone

Wielding a safety net from scrutiny.

Yet when we share,

Look into one another’s eyes

Really look deep inside

And recognize; our breathing

Becomes similar in time.

Are not those moments to realize?

Can we understand character that create

Fears we hide from one another

Continue to drag down our

Desire to appreciate Peace?

I took a walk the other day

And on the street I noticed you.

As I strolled by your eyes followed me

We weren’t ever going to interact

We just felt compelled to notice.

How many moments do we stroll right past

Each other?

How often does our insecurity prevent;

Remain our albatross

That could never be shared.

Imagine an afternoon whereby

The ‘crowd’ at the bus-stop

Suddenly felt compelled to share

Ideas and philosophical notions

What if we began to agree?

What does support mean if we choose

To ignore the needs of our neighbor?

If a friend calls you deep, are they aware

That in a given moment your own fears

Might cause you to run?

So often we concern ourselves

With issues that mean nothing.

Tomorrow, can you put aside

Your differences and just say hello?

What if we began to agree?

The Night Before Surgery – Six months later

Around six months ago, I underwent open heart surgery. I speak candidly about this today, but the last time I posted here, I was imagining a surreal experience. At that time, everything in my life was surreal. I was starting another school year, but the next day, August 29th, I was about to meet with a surgeon that would consult me on a pending surgery just three weeks away. My school year would not be as I’d imagine. I remember at the time a friend of mine suggested I blog the experience. Looking back on the process, I did have a lot of time on my hands to write about the process, but the last thing I wanted to do was create a venue for people to feel sorry for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love attention, but to actually wish for people to show sympathy to my situation just seems a tad grandiose. I think I am too old for that attention.

So today, I am back to speak about my recovery from heart surgery. I feel like my life is about as normal as it can be. I still have bouts of depression. I continue to struggle with time management. I look at life experiences with the same nostalgia I have often looked through my life with.

The difference I suppose is that I am alive. I remember going into the surgery wondering if I would come out. I thought about putting a will together, but then, I decided not to out of fear. The fear was quite simply that I thought if I actually wrote stuff out it meant this whole process was real. And then, the day did arrive and everything became very real.

I woke up in the hospital feeling more physical pain than I had ever endured in my life. I opened my eyes to my wife Susan and children Alex & Libby. They were right there waiting for me to awaken, and I could see their tears but I felt so much pain I could barely acknowledge them. I remember at one time saying to Sue that she better tell her parents to go home because i wasn’t feeling up to it. Suddenly I realized I was feeling guilty for turning people away, even though I had just had my chest opened up and my heart physically massaged by human hands. Yet, I was feeling bad about turning people away. Perhaps, what I needed was to rest and recognize I had just had open heart surgery, and it was ok to withdraw into myself for a day or two.

That’s it for now. I’ll talk about that first night of recovery in my next entry. Good night.

Day Two, Tuesday

A productive day in a manner of speaking. We listened to a speaker that delivered the message of Commitment to Greatness or C2G as the acronym suggests. The bottom line is let’s look forward and recognize our students need to connect to respond to education. A wonderful premise and doable.

On a personal level, I continue to be pre-occupied with tomorrow’s appointment with my surgeon. I continue to gradually let people know about what’s going on, even had some surprisingly solid conversation with people I have been quite indifferent with in recent years. It is a wonderful indicator that I have a huge support system that is going to help me through this difficult situation.

I am hopeful but scared; positive but anxious; realistic but feeling a little surreal as I anticipate tomorrow’s outcome.

Day One – Monday, August 27th, 2012

I returned to school today – teacher call back week to begin another year in the classroom. This year will be far different than any year I have ever experienced. In two days, I will meet with a surgeon and determine the timing of the first major surgery I’ve ever had to endure. 

Life is filled with the unexpected. I thought about creating this page over the summer as a way to enhance my writing, but more importantly to create an outlet for the moments that occur in my classroom, and of course in my life. The prospect of surgery is quite daunting, but may add more realism to this blog over the course of the year. 

Today was a good day. It is always exciting to see people after the summer passes. There is excitement in the air, but also a great deal of nervous energy. In fact, today our principal began the morning with a breathing exercise and then followed it with an explanation that we are all feeling the anxiety of the first day of school. That really helped me realize that we were all sharing this experience together.

Let’s have a remarkable year together.