It’s a couple days before Christmas and I’ve spent the day sitting in my chair with my dog in my lap. I really haven’t accomplished a lot except to let a lot of thought roll through my mind. The first thing that comes to mind is celebrating this holiday that symbolizes the end of my marriage. I will see my kids tomorrow night, and I am fortunate for that. I look forward to spending time with my kids and my daughter’s kids. My Christmas shopping is done so all I have to do is wrap a few presents. I think I’ll make chocolate chip cookies for the party. They are usually a good hit.

This feeling of blue just kind of hangs around me. I’m listening to music and losing myself in the lyrics. I think music can be such a quiet meditation for me, for my thoughts. A song can come on and it takes me to a period of my life, decades ago, sometimes when I was happier and other times lonely and lost. The thing about the music is it connects me with the real moments in my life and I can relive them briefly in my memory. There is something calming about that I guess.

I’ve lived on my own now for five years in a few weeks. I suppose I never imagined this when I first moved into my apartment, but now it is mine and I have made it my own by the walls and plants and various paintings hanging on the walls. I don’t entertain here very often and I guess I’m ok with that. Someday I will and it will be ready to go because it is simply where I live. My life has been one of adjustment and growth, and there are days when I feel so comfortable in my world, that it’s hard to imagine how low I was in the early years. Now I have my routine and it is up to me to decide upon a need to change things up or go on steadily.

So tonight I’m trying not to rationalize my life and more just appreciate the state of mind I often find myself in. It’s not all doom and gloom anymore. Instead it is designing itself around exploring what it is that makes me think and ponder through my days. Me and my dog and the Christmas holiday. Well at least we have each other, and I have my kids and grandchildren and my siblings and larger family. Life can’t be that bad, I suppose I need to appreciate it as much as I can because this is truly what I have.

Enjoy the holidays and let us find peace in our lives.