I’m walking around with concerns today. I don’t always like my thinking, I’m easily bothered by some of my hurdles. To be clear, I can spend a lot of time being deep in my head. I know the persona behind that habit, however I spend my every day trying to be aware of its dynamic on my life. That said, I have so many questions.

I try hard to regard my conscious self. The fact that I can be in a state of mind, and become aware of its grasp on my life is something I want to understand. I mean that in the spirit of recognizing its impact upon my well being. I don’t wish to glorify my feelings. Rather, I want to be cognizant of how my thoughts can impact my personal frame of mind. I woke up from a nap to watch the news this afternoon. I cannot say my difficulty rises from the news alone. Though I am frustrated with the state of our country, I have to be careful not to blame everything in my life on the current state of our government. I cannot use that as a scapegoat for my personal feelings. 

My greatest preoccupation is my relationship with my kids. I have pulled way back on my pressure upon them to stay in touch with me. They both have busy lives and I am wanting only to respect that. It doesn’t change at all how much I love them and their families both, I’m just more aware of priorities, theirs and my own. I think back to my contact with my parents when I was their age. I didn’t contact them every day, but I did reach out to them at times when I needed to do so. I try to recognize that same dynamic with my kids. One of my cautions is the memory of my father in law’s grip on his kids to stay in touch with him. He would guilt them regularly for their silence, and I will not do that to my kids. I do understand the dynamic though.

What I have just described is how much my thinking plays a role in satisfying my state of mind. My world is not a perfect one, but there are things in my control that can help me find my peace of mind, and not be lost in my head, as my son points out to me. Thoughts are certainly a factor in how we go about our day, how we manage ourselves through the burdens and pleasures of our life. Being comfortable with myself has a strong correlation with how I let my thinking design my day, my focus, my acceptance of the life I lead. My children as I said are a huge priority, so measuring my observation of my own reactions is a key to finding a connection. That mindset comes from the reality of my marriage falling apart and my role in the outcome. That is a major factor with my own personal comfort and how I go about what is important in my life. It is a paramount factor regards my relationship with my kids.

So then the key to all of this is to be conscious of how my words, my thoughts, my actions all play a role with my own comfort level. To find peace with my thoughts rather than confusion and lost confidence is my goal.

These are my real moments.