It’s been five years for me. A lot has happened since Covid. None of it has been illness related from the effects of the disease. Just changes in my life, those that I had no idea were going to happen when they did. My marriage fell apart at the end of 2019, two weeks before Covid shelter in place was called. I remember thinking what if we were left together during the start of the shelter, would we have been able to fix things? My brother thought we would drive ourselves crazy and it has taken about five years to begin to think I agree with him. I still have thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are tied into the loss of my marriage. That’s one thing I’ve had to adjust to, and it has been a long journey. Just recently I’ve begun to let go of my kids. I don’t mean to ignore them, just let them choose to get in touch with me. It seems when I reach out to them I put them in an obligatory frame of mind, and I don’t want to live that way. One thing is clear though, I do want them to know I am not 100% responsible for the demise of our marriage. We both contributed and I am not the sole bad guy in the outcome. Regardless, my marriage ended, and though I would agree with the decision, the loss of so many things have occurred to make it a difficult time in my life.

To add to changes in my life, I retired early four months after my divorce. I was an English teacher and I ran a theatre program for 25 years. I was struggling in the classroom, so the end was already near. I just left the field early because my anxiety was too high, and I felt I was doing an injustice to my colleagues. Though I could have probably changed it was a difficult task. I was no longer happy so the decision was a good one, in respect to making major changes in my life. The only major loss was the stage. I love directing kids on stage, and I did miss that terribly. But that too, had its struggles. I had a guy pushing hard to take over the program and he didn’t make my life any easier. So leaving it all behind is the choice I made. Both of those decisions together made life rather difficult for me. Later on I took on another theatre program without any resources, so I turned my keys in a summer ago. Today I face the possibility of never directing theatre again. Maybe I should just retire. It has crossed my mind. Life might be easier.

I’m using this platform to explore chapters of my life. For some it will be redundant as they already know. For others, perhaps insightful and providing a venue for their own self exploration. Whatever the case, I appreciate your follow.