On Losing

I touched on a feeling today,

a place when I am allowed to travel,

seems to step in my way,

let’s me slowly, carefully, unravel.

 

I remember the room, dark and sullen,

a tragedy can never appear with flowers,

I stood in the doorway …

the tears later would remind me of forevers.

 

the night before the phone rang,

I was in bed it was late, I went to sleep

It would be years to understand the pang

I felt that night was buried so deep.

 

So there my brother waited with quiet repose,

my mom a smile I knew, didn’t mean it was real,

he couldn’t look at me just in shock I suppose,

until her words unleashed a fury so surreal.

 

A shrieking ‘no’ is all I remember then

until I found I was in my bedroom crying,

I didn’t care about time passing when

my brother stepped in to talk about dying.

 

I suppose I’ve never understood the point of grief

if when my world turns upside down,

I lose my favorite soul, his life so very brief,

and yet, my uncle would still act the clown.

 

How do you possibly ever cheer up the dead

when the reality of our lives turns acrid pain,

what might we all decide we could be led,

while love remains a spirited truth we wane.

 

I was twelve years old, and he was the same,

yet he took off early left me holding the game.