I won’t allow you inside tonight,

keep you just at bay,

stay away from me you’re a fright

always getting in my way.

~

I remember the first time you spoke,

the words spilled out in chaos

a defensive burden, a speechless choke

the alarm of knowing my loss.

~

You took away everything I loved so far

in a life short yet incomplete

I didn’t understand you were my czar

to help me define my defeat.

~

I want this, I need this, I screamed inside,

with an external facade of grief,

To those I loved I continued, I would deride

for their inane illogical idyllic belief.

~

I was especially unhappy when defined

my world was wrapped deep within

a lifestyle I’d discovered far less refined

than certain peace you’d suggest a given.

~

I became dependent upon your own scrutiny,

that habitual creation of shattered will

my life wallowed slow toward certain insanity

while artificial stimulants would be my fill.

~

The crash and burn of a societal taboo

wandered into my livelihood.

Soon there began a surge of hiss and boo,

a spiritual gift is hope that I could

~

achieve new levels of sanity that remained

nearby if I chose, I had to believe

every aspect of relief and peace now gained

became a fuel to your loss; I still grieve

~

only in fantasy, only in the reality of dreams

can you ever master addiction, return it seems.