I tried to understand,

while waves of despair

enveloped my mind,

tossing me, slapping me,

a ruthless affair.

~

My hands were locked

inside a pattern

everyone else excluded

me from knowledge,

that reality of pain.

~

When on occasion,

a happier time,

we could reflect upon

the insanity …

well such is rare.

~

From there in a day

the skies darkened,

a choking atmosphere,

when finally the burst,

pressure rattling walls.

~

Tears where I land

a thoughtful retrospect

when incarceration of

the mind …

becomes now eloquent.

~

Yet still a reminder

a constant twirl

insidious in nature

is the contempt …

a lack of dialogue.

~

So while the sun rose,

seasons created mood,

a warm reminder while

life shapes today …

speaks aloud contempt.

~

I tried to understand

just how deep my passion

for self destruction might

lend a future …

I suppose I might try again.