I wanted to

pause,

I used to be able to,

she was always there,

to wipe away a tear, tie a shoe, fix my hair,

I remember the first time she called me handsome,

I turned red, and stammered a bit,

the sort of stuttered that charmed her,

she smiled, lit a cigarette,

went back to her cross word puzzle,

probably thinking about the next crisis,

always one waiting ahead.

Yet I was alone, walking in a fantasy,

not too old,

just young enough to be able to slide by,

with a forgiving glance

until

just the other day,

I woke to realize decades later,

how opportunity wafted past my window,

or did it, or was i spared the

disillusionment of not meeting my goals.

~

I walk outside and feel the rain on my cheek,

my nose tickles as the drops descend,

always reaching my end,

I just plod on through because I have to,

there’s no reason to stop the world over a soft rain.