That Afternoon

I remember it well

I wanted to have a party

messy moments

adolescent angst

patriarchal purpose

I was trying to justify only a moment

just that, nothing more, yeah

really am that you know, eighteen

standing around the keg that no one favored

only we three that bonded upon similar motives

Simple bullshit

There was no approval in his look when he pulled up

He just pointed to the trunk

and I emptied ten bags of chip into the scattered garage floor

they ate it up, and I looked at him feeling embarassed

I’ll never forget the look

sadness, disappointment, confusion

too cool for words but the reality spoke volume

that cliche had come to life

and I , well then, just how, I am eighteen

and this is all I am

bag a chips and a keg

he knew the reality far more than I might imagine

in all my grandiose arrogance I’d missed the moment

lost and circling my steps hoping ‘cool’ was working

But I was so wrong

I was longing for attention

and he was trying to provide and I was making a point

to be offended

and then, just minutes later

the party had begun.